I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Houston, we have a blender
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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