My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
