I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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