Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
