White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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