new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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