well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They took my balls.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
