Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
