I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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