sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
