I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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