I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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