you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
is it fun? or sober?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
