my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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