I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
