So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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