If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
