He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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