You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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