god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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