I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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