He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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