is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
