Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
