pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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