Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
