I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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