I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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