you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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