We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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