I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
