i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
