I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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