um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize