okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
