Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
