I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
