So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
