How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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