I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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