Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My dick has a subreddit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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