Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize