Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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