There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
