I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
