My room smells like vodka and shame
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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