Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
