just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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