he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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