the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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