Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
