he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
