arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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