you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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