why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
