Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
