How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
