after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
