Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
