Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
