you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
