I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
