Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
