he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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