You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I forget how to act sober
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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