if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
