White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
