so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
