so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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