i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
