then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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