how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
