Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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