jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
