she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
