I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
