So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
