I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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