Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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